2015 The Year of Karina

     It always surprises me the thoughts that bounce around in my head, and then when I'm speaking to someone and those thoughts turn into spoken words, and then how powerful those words can become.

     This morning in the shower I was pondering the state of my singleness... I've had a man in my life, or multiple men in my life during the year between my divorce and my next long term relationship since I was 16 years old and my parents allowed me to start dating. If I didn't have a boyfriend, I had some guy I was crushing on. 

In fact my fascination with boys goes as far back as 5 years old, kindergarten was the first year I remember feeling interested in a particular boy named Matt, and each year it seemed to turn into an infatuation with one boy or another. 

     My goals in life seemed to center around being with a man. And I have to wonder WHY they never centered around ME? Around accomplishing things that would contribute to me being productive, healthy, and successful as an individual, as a woman, and a provider for myself? Why was that relationship more important than everything else?

     This afternoon I was chatting with a close friend of mine named Aaron, well all through last year we would talk on the phone across the country from each other and considered being more than friends, it didn't work out that way for us, but we're still really good friends; and I said to Aaron that I realized that all through last year my focus was on him, and I called it "2014 the Year of Aaron", and the year before that in "2013 was the year of Scott, and Bill" and the years before that were multiple years of Scott and the years preceding that were years of my former spouse.

     I then declared that 2015 is the Year of Karina! Being in relationships, focusing my energy on getting to know men, it takes a lot of focus and energy away from the most important person right now, and that's ME. If that occurs as selfish, then oh well, but I don't feel it's selfish to focus on my own health, and career, and building myself up, working with my body will take focus, dedication, and a lot of energy. Spending time dating, and worrying about if a man likes me or not, will be okay with my weight or not, and worrying about if I'll be okay with who he is in life or not, well... I have more important things to do this year! Yes... 2015 is about me.