Sugar Porn

Awwwwww SUGAR!!! Ever since I was little I remember loving you... in the form of Starbursts and taffy, chocolate chip cookies, and cake, especially frosting... nothing tasted better than the burst of sweet in my mouth. Milky Way bars, M&M's, Twinkies, Zingers, Hostess Cupcakes and ooooh the fruit pies! Tootsie Pops, Skittles, Butterfingers, oh and did I mention sugar cookies with almond butter cream frosting, maple bars, butter milk bars and old fashioned doughnuts? And then I learned to love pie, éclairs, cream puffs, Danish, and hand dipped chocolates with their creamy fruity centers... and then there were the things that turned to sugars quickly when eaten, pasta, home baked bread slathered in butter and honey, and then there are the home made rolls and, then I learned to cook and bake and make cream sauces infused with white wine, and it's like sugar porn as I type it all out. And then in my early 20's I began looking like a cream puff, the saying, "you are what you eat" definitely started to apply!

These have been my weaknesses with food. What is it about these things that I would go out of my way to eat, to spend money on, time baking, and worse yet... pollute all the cells in my body with? Sometimes I've found myself being angry at my body... complaining that why can't I eat the things I love, other people do and don't get fat. Perhaps I've eaten more of those things than others have, perhaps my body just reacts differently than others, whatever the case may be, my body... I have not been loving and nourishing you the way you deserve.

Through experimentation in diets and seeing what works for my body and what doesn't in the world of retaining weight and releasing it, I am fully aware that to reach my goals I will have to give up the food porn. I've read the Wheat Belly book by William Davis and realize that it's more than sugar, because most of the sugary treats I've loved and consumed with great enjoyment have been full of wheat gluten as well.  I now notice even more how much my body bloats up, and reacts when I consume these things that I seem to worship so much, it feels like an addiction, when you obsess about eating a food, or baking a food, and then consume it, and are left feeling guilty and ashamed that you consumed that thing you wanted so desperately, that thing you craved beyond reason... that's when I realized I have a problem.

I've been really hard on myself at times about these cravings... here's what I know so far. I am more successful losing my weight when I give up the gluten and sugar cold turkey; however the cycle I've been in with myself is that there are periods of time when I do really well and start dropping pounds on the scale and I'm feeling really good about myself and I thing YES I can do this! And then I cheat, and at the time I think well, it's only a little bit and a little bit won't hurt me and then I cheat more, and the cravings come back again and before I know it I've started gaining more weight. This is exactly what happened to me this Christmas, and exactly how I gained 15 pounds.

Watching the scale go up like that was completely disheartening. I wasn't exactly binging or over eating the treats I created for everyone, but I was eating some of them every day and the weight gain was the result.  Feeling even more desperate when the scale read 392 I had to get a grip on myself and I thought back to a particular diet plan that I dropped weight doing out of The 4 Hour Body book by Timothy Ferriss.  

What worked for me was that it helped me lose pounds, but what didn't work for me was that one day a week you could cheat and eat whatever you wanted to eat. I had the most challenging time after the binge day, going back onto the diet plan of no carbs but veggies for the rest of the week. Ultimately I lasted all of 2 weeks following that diet. Knowing this works, I put myself back on this diet but have modified it a little bit. And over the past 5 days I've gone from weighing 392 pounds to 386 pounds.

What have I been doing these past 5 days?

1. Juicing for breakfast,(my juice consists of spinach, apples, lemon, carrots, celery, clementines, or oranges, and grapefruit) followed up by eggs a little bit later on 2 of the days, and I made an omelet with cheese another day. Ideally I'd remove all of the dairy according to Timothy Ferris and many others and research I've read, however, while I continue to release weight and this works for me, I will follow this for now.

2. Eating soup with a chicken broth base loaded with chicken, beans, chopped veggies and various spices. And I even consumed to bowl fulls of soup, I eat til I'm satisfied that I won't be hungry after 7 p.m. and want to munch. I don't bother with calorie counting any of this.

3. Eliminated all corn chips, breads, rolls, etc...

4. Only drinking water. That's it, nothing but water.

5. When the sugar cravings got too hard to bear and I really couldn't resist, I allowed myself to have ONE and only ONE binge moment during the day. What this looked like is that I actually had a Maple Bar after donating plasma several days ago. And yesterday I did have a piece of birthday cake I'd put in the freezer left over from my son's birthday.  AND I'm not allowing myself to bake anything at all until my son's birthday on March 17th. Baking my own treats is a huge weakness and I've forbidden myself to do any of it, because that's the biggest way I sabotage myself I've discovered.

6. I have some organic vegetable based protein shake powder I bought at Costco which I'm  going to try, according to Timothy Ferris 20 grams of protein with each meal is highly important, he really stresses eggs, beans, and spinach, (lots and lots of spinach) in his book. It's definitely worth reading!

So here is what I know about myself today... going cold turkey off certain things works and doesn't work for me. In a way it feels like a mind f#%k what I'm dealing with inside my head and body and chemistry, right now giving myself permission when the cravings get strong is working and I'm releasing, baking doesn't work and should only be used for birthdays for my kids right now, no more holiday baking this year. When Christmas comes around I'll reevaluate, but sorry Valentine's Day, there will be no sugar cookies with almond butter cream frosting (sigh), sorry friends when you have your birthday I won't bring you any gourmet cupcakes... and that's just what's so. Here is what I also understand, there is no quick fix, no pill or diet plan that's going to make it all go away and I'm going to have my challenges, however my intention is clear, my goal is set, and I'm open to evaluating, experimenting with, and trying healthy plans to give my body a healthier weight to live at.