Wrong Direction, Scale!!!

Wrong direction scale!

Okay so this morning I weighed in at 390 pounds. I put on 10 around Christmas and now we're mid January and 5 more pounds this morning, this isn't working!!! I have to ban myself from baking anything with sugar and gluten. I know this and yet will let myself off the hook thinking that it's okay because someone is  coming over for lunch or whatever, and that's just become unacceptable because I cannot NOT eat my own baking. This SUCKS! It's been over 3 years since I've been this high in my weight and I'm not going to let it stick around. I can feel it in my low back with the increased amount of pain I'm experiencing, my stomach feels more bloated and my pants are definitely feeling tighter.

What is it about baking that makes me feel so satisfied in the moment and then of course have so much regret about it later? I've always loved baking... I always loved my mom's baking as well. I'd come home from school to the tantalizing scent of freshly baked homemade bread, or chocolate chip cookies. No one baked as well as my mother did, and I've since earned my own reputation amongst my friends and family as being very skilled in this area, to the point that some have suggested I should have my own bakery. Who are we kidding, me and my own bakery? I'd balloon up even bigger! I've had thoughts about how great it would be to have a healthy bakery, using Almond Flour and Coconut Flour and Xylitol and Stevia, but the reality is everything has calories, and I truly do need to choose carefully each day and make mine count nutritionally because my body likes to store it all as fat it seems.

It's interesting as well to observe that for this whole past year I'd held a steady weight of 375 pounds give or take a few, but when Thanksgiving and Christmas hit this year and I baked like I normally do for those holidays that my body decided to put weight on this year. Not only that, but it has seemed even harder to get my body to stop craving the carbs and feel satisfied and not hungry. I haven't felt really hungry like this in quite a few years. I have heard that certain foods will make you want to eat more whereas others will satisfy. After reading the Wheat Belly book this makes me think that even now more than ever I need to eliminate that hunger causing gluten out of my own cooking.

Okay... rant complete. I promised myself to be honest in this blog... sharing about my weight gain wasn't easy to do, my hope is that by being accountable here, and brutally honest, that it will help me get a grip on my 20 year battle with the numbers on the scale.